HoofsnHorns Farm Blog
life here is never dullArchive for Pedro
gifts
Pedro was a gift from God. That I am sure of. He was a gift I treasured and was thankful for every single day. Those are facts. Pedro is now not with me in his furry little funny form, another fact. So, during this time of grief, I have been given gifts of memories, photos, a purple poppy that popped up in the middle of winter all alone in the desert that is my mothers yard, various stones that have caught my eye that seem to have sketches of his ears and horns on them, or his nose… words of comfort from family and friends, I will see him again, he is still here in spirit, etc.etc. and I realize that just like we are to thank God for the day he has given us, for better or worse, in our own human opinion.. I should also be thankful for all of these gifts.. how sad it would be if my baby were standing there in spirit next to me pressing his dear little horns against my leg, trying to let me know he is here..and I am instead, sitting here, head in hand, tears down my face, unhappy, that is “isnt’ good enough” because its not what I wanted. I want him here, in fuzzy warm cuddly form! Of course I do.. but then, if I instead choose, which I think I shall,to accept and be grateful for each of these gifts I have been given, look forward to the next and be happy and joyful in each of them, then that is a good thing. A good lesson to learn too. So, thats what I say.. from now on I will choose to be grateful in each of the gifts I am being given, even if its not exactly the one I wanted! maybe now I can better feel those little spirit horns pressing against me..
just thoughts its been a month
sacked out Pedro
- my cuddly boy
Well I hesitated pouring my soul into a blog but I don’t think anyone is reading anyway. I’m going to post some pics of my baby just because.. I am functioning, still bawl my eyes out loud a few times a day, but only a couple, not constant like it was. I do feel he is connected to me soul to soul and maybe has been for longer than he was “Pedro” so I have some hope in that connection and maybe it will continue somehow. I am trying my best to leave it all up to the Lord and its hard. I research and I ordered new Pedro TShirts.. and an all-Pedro calendar.. its just hard, how I don’t have him here physically, to talk to, to cuddle, my pictures are the only ‘tangibles’ I have. Of course anything else I can save too, his shirts, collar, pillow.. its just not enough. I miss him so much. Sometimes I can lay there and through my tears, touch his face on a pillow a friend made for me I can honestly feel the differences in the texture and the warmth of different parts of his face, his fuzzy little lip, his jaw bone, his horns…strangely comforting, I guess because its all I have. This brings me to some of my favorite pics I’d like to post here, some of Pedro’s other friends may visit and enjoy them too. Having people “know” Pedro and love him too, that has been a huge comfort for me. I miss him so much.
A photo of Pedro the cuddly boy
